It won't mean a thing in a 100 years
That boy ain't right
you must go on without me
what does god say?
future feels good
monster looking for coffee
all my favorite people live in this box i look at everyday
things will never be the same
i hate when guys do that
None of them knew they were robots
we will fight and i will win
Stephie poo, I am still madly in love with you
why is the water bill 48 dollars?
love is complicated.................like a crossword puzzle
only a dream
my pen is leaking
I'd explain it to you, but there's a lot of math involved.
i finally got across
theres nothing wrong with me, i have a fish
I fear that we have lost that special spark
why are we here?
It could only go downhill from here.
meet the tv
we can dance together
I'll swallow your soul
which way is up?
danger? Danger is my middle name
it will lead to hell
if you are happy and you know it clap your hands
my computer made me dizzy
I'm not sure this is healthy . . .
i just want a hug
where did "simple things" go?
you'll thank me for this later
Trapped by Air
whats this rock doing in my shoe?
Come waste your time with me...
i just wanted to hear you say "i love you"
the stick people of now
My computer is my tutor and my name is Roger Johnson
it was free so i took it
sometimes i think my intelligence is a curse
i wish i were a rock
all i had was ice cream
Is there any unhashed drama between us?
when did I lose you?
where did you get that? it looks dangerous.
we were never alone
time will tell...
something makes sunday morning awful
i'm sad for two reasons. you're there. i'm here.
I like pie
"I'd do that... If I was a robot
i am afraid of the dark
you will never get to know
these are my cookies
does being alive scare you?
i am going to change the world
it was full of love
i did not know how to help
things i didn't know
I read books
after you give your heart away
Hey man, fish are Crazy!
you can't be serious
i don't want to go
cleaning is fun
your drawings suck
i got fun
it does not mean you have to give up
If you live in New York City, or have lived in New York City, then you can understand the bloody rain here
it could be worse
i was never as good as you
you should not have come out with me
it won't leave me alone
i am a superhero
god is not here
This flower is dead.
new media - new arse
What does my soul taste like?
i never realized that could be done
i was a secret place
i am writing to tell you it no longer works
unfortunately we had to share
suddenly every thing was different
i did not say i was excited
it is just a puddle
Wish for something else...
eat my dust
i am safe
It's not that you're boring, you're just not interesting
i didn't want to be special, i just wanted to be myself
math is fun
i love you today
god's wish came true
I eat them by the handful
today i am going to learn to fly
It looks like rain
this is going to hurt me more than it is going to hurt you
Why are you nicer to me when you're drunk?
it wasnt that big in the catalog
make some cats
quit staring at me
Cars couldn't hurt us
i draw the same people over and over again
it was easier to tell her to go away
ARE YOU FOR REAL?
there's a nail in my foot
I'm so tired of looking for bugs
must be lemonade
you shouldn't get that close to me
I should have wished for more wishes
it happens when its cold outside
you shouldn't have drank that.
do you know how this works?
I never had a doorway
stop that tickles
out to sea
i took a bath and came back dirtier
In the morning things will be better
Jeg Savner Deg (i miss you)
people are dumb.
only since you came home
It hurts when I move my arm like this.
we are all so very lovely
Sometimes I wish I had a screwdriver.
When will it come down?
Carpet fuzz. It made me what I am today.
It's the little things in life that make me happy.
it means i love you.
Today we found out why.
box of rocks
i can finally reach my toes
I just don't know...
we found out on our own
Jimmy, you've been in there almost three hours
better than being lost in the city
my tummy is rumbling
like my pink underwear?
he's drinking the water
I love cake!
it's not that we're opposed to pornography!
The future's so bright, I gotta eat brains.
Last time I did this, it really hurt
Many strange people work at my company
I like your hair
Where are my keys?
And then the boat came and we were saved. Well, we were almost saved. Jimmy ate the boat before we could leave. Then we sank. And well, that's why we're here.
why is it so green
i wanted to sit down
Nothing says love better.
i can make him love me
And what is this button for?
did you hurt your head?
why didn't you make one for me and laura?
the big apple is lovely
Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy submarines
he was angry
some things are really good
I just found another use for water!
So, now what do we do?
although i am not feeling well, i still want to bathe in milk and honey.
I wonder how big this gets...
The boss gives him hell when he's mad
SO THIS IS THE END, HUH?
its all a matter of motivation
how to keep a long distance relationship
many are frozen
Toast goes in the toaster
I have a banana in my ear
i can't get no sleep
my wife's out of town
we all have needs
The backreference \n, where n is a single digit, matches the substring previously matched by the nth parenthesized subexpression of the regular expression.
peter and the copy machine
don't worry, little one, this will only hurt for a second
I heard I could find God here
It's all about how you feel inside
i'm not really here
sometimes I think about forever
You are my fire
dead people can't use phones
so, you're the reason for all this craziness
We almost never destroy anything smaller than an atom.
God was a Grapefruit...
I hate it when it rains!
Hey, you got one too!
i've had nightmares about this
keep this one a secret bob
Is that how they make vampires?
Oops, I did it again!
find a new form of life
huffing the whipped cream at work is fun
Aj, inte där Sixten...
..And ever since then, she's had my heart in her hands.
he couldn't quite put his finger on it
Don't even ask!
hi i am phil
I saw mom and dad last night
its my first time... i'm nervous...
I should have bought that new TV
What's in your shoes?
it`s crooked dear
he fell asleep in my car
if only i had died sooner.
What else do you expect me to do with a stapler?
spoon you|spoon me
Micah could go into labor at any second!
make sarah smile
I want to suck your blood
Oh no, it's stuck in the elevator door.
i hate monsters
suddenly, we were both silent.
it was so big i didnt see it
i opened my heart and there she was
there's not enough for you
what the hell is floating in my coffee
i want to be a romantic failure
my cookie fell
Oh, shit! i cant beleive it fell off.
hi i am phil
"It's not a bug - it's a feature."
I listen to records all night long
hold it against me
you just don't get it
i like things too
its not cool steve
Wow, I wish this picture had a point.
part of me died yesturday
Lets use bad logic and drink motor oil
i found god in myself
Coffee is good.
why my balls are so big.
Jessica thwarts my attempts at self sufficiency
i can't find a sharp peice of glass
is this love? that i'm feeling?
hi i am phil
A Painter's Guide To Drowning
it is all about love
no right turn
She fell asleep just at the good part
i wish i didnt put my girlfriend on fire
time flows much more slowly this way
Dont trust vampires they are known to lie.
Do mad scientist feel pain ?
i am uncomfortable in this relationship
i wish i had money
Hey, that's my book
are those real?
soup is good food
i decided it was best to leave
save the children
I sit next to the guy who writes computer programs all day.
Anger without enthusiasm
what? i can't hear you?
how do I talk to her
try it now
Try some of your own medicine
do you think i could squeeze in?
she said i didn't make her happy anymore
So I was thinking of slitting my wrists the other day...
who needs legs?
poopey is good for food
giving out your phone number to random guys while were on a date is fairly uncool.
who invented roses?
she don't care no more
igot drunk to waited
i have to stop doing that.
...but the packet said for thirty minutes...
Lets never put that on your head again.
I write computer programs all day
why did you wait so long?
to forget is the sweetest joy one cannot remember
friendship is love without wings, so say the french
you can't hurt me i am invunerable
william! Stop eating your little sister
Falling down the stairs to save time
But will she do me?
hi i am phil
I'm afraid the entrance requirements aren't what they were.
sex is a brain thing
Whenever He was in town, they knew it would all start again
who took my pictures of me? you did.
just what the fuck d'you think you're doing?
Oh, was that your heart. I appologize.
why do all the pretty girls keep breaking in half?
does she swallow?
Do you like liquid?
i wanted to change
why do you keep cutting off my arm
we are not afraid
supper was super
no, i don't know, either
This is how I make them stop talking
how are they doing that?
the only way out is to go so far in
Dating Co Workers is fun! Tasty too.
about my shoe
he hurt his leg
i look alive but i'm dying inside
what happens when you flush the toilet?
Back when I was younger...
My life as a potato
i made him explode
Human beings were created by water to transport it uphill.
he likes what you did
i don't think mom likes me anymore,now that she's got her new dishwasher
Music For Pleasure
Can't she just see the panda?
i wanna be sedated
i have candy
abandoners that abandon
I FEEL NAKED WITHOUT MY WATCH
the girl in my bed hates me
a sandwich just isn't a sandwich
If you don't talk to her, you can't sleep with her.
you guys keep me holdin on
do you like my baby?
a boy and his cat
is sunday 4 am and I'm drunk
it is bad
Why do I try and dismantle a girl that was never assembled in the first place
You really should try this, it's wonderful for your back.
the benefits of living in a mostly gay navy submarine
it's been sixteen years...
i've got food in my bottom
i just wanted to cut my nails
"Don't piss on my head and then tell me it's raining gold!"
It is determined by a complicated point system that will measure loss, pain and suffering, and takes three to six months to calculate.
what's the capital of prussia?
just give me somethin' pink
No, I have not been huffing gasoline.
somebody call an ambience!
fingers to fingers
feeling a little convertable
I don't know... I plugged a many of women at Mardi Gras... I don't know...
"Is insanity just a really great way of managing expectations?"
"How'd you like to see my new watch?"
"Anyone want to see my balls?"
" You need to Shower after you do that"
I hate when the soap gets this small.
The monkey is having a bad day
Push this button in case anything happens.
What's that smell?
It was just a wallet,he said.
can i just get in there a second? If you're not going to eat that, I will!
"monkeys in rocket cars juggling tangelos"
Human Resources Development, Inc.
He whirls his glock and spiel around to the ladies like a dirty, run-away hose that's been stuck in the mud at a trailer park
"I just can't take you seriously...please return my biscuits"
cops do cavity searches? then why the hell have i been going to the dentist?
Ha Ha you one funny chick!
"We are glad you were born."
"Suddenly Kermit realized what the library was REALLY for."
That's like Dancing to architecture
I just don't understand my computer and my computer doesn't understand me
what's the difference between an orange
Tickle my Psyche.
I found some negus on my shoe
The monkeys ate my bus pass
Talking is sexy, Talking while fucking is sexier
and then Milt Schumar built a castle in the sand
"You surely deserve the name 'Beefalow Queen
Its like I always say, "If the shit don't fit, make it fit."
"Ms. Ada Barry, meet the Surcharge Board of Appeals of the Division of Insurance"
you're full of water
do you mind if i sit on your glass eye?
"Forget France. The French can be annoying. Come to Greece. We're nicer."
send down the rope i can't hold it any longer
not right but wrong in a good way
Whatever happened to a girlfriend? The kind of chick who makes love 'cuz she's in it?"
What will roadrunner Ralph do upon his retirement?
Even too much wine is not enough.
Finally, when I least expected it, the Ex-Lax kicked in!
"my eyebrow is eating my face"?
best chair i ever had was the chair i had in 'nam.
IT'S THE MARCH OF THE GAY PARADE
My friend if we pull this off, our cookie will become a death cookie for anyone who opposes our holy work.
Six Characters in Search of an Author
"Harvard's team may fight 'til the end but Yale will win."
I got my pez disensor a new head
Make Me a Home
Wonder twin powers activate, form of...
"And no one saw the thief."
caitlin shut the hell up!
"MOM, when did you get home?"
we like bad handling
these germs are the best
we need everything
i couldn't find her heart
hey boy, did you get me my cheese wiz?
the dead don't die.
i would smile........if only my tooth wasn't such a bloody mess.
i like to light firecrackers in my mouth and then spit them out right before they blow up.
some mushrooms approach
Is that a rancid piece of meat in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
I sent a spider out to look for cookies
HORSE COCK DEMANDS SATISFACTION!!!!
"Is that your final answer?"
everyone cover their ears
"...and i thought they smelled bad on the outside"
never was a cornflake girl
"Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle?"
but is it non-dairy?
we really need some new pillows around here
nicotine and gravy. [her left eye is lazy]
i know this boy. he has anti-matter for a voice
last night i dreamt i peed on your socks
it's too painful to smile
"A one-way road that ends in disaster"
"Am I hallucinating or is that Bob Hope doing a triple axle?"
Shit, dems good varmints.
Silky, K-Money and Alien become video game tycoons.
No. His head was there last time I saw him.
She never really liked my strombollie
"Please excuse the interruption."
"why has everything been taken away from me?"
the human parts are not compatible with ours. plus, they're not very durable
the news says it raining in New York
"It sure is convenient that you're flexible"
"What should I do today.....work in a homeless shelter, or have some beer and potato chips?"
ahhh! I Lost my tampax!!
we are scientists.
Can someone please tell me why I must read "The Wealth and Poverty of Nations?"
she'll never figure it out.
"the curly haired coffee goddess"
we like the boys with the bulletproof vests
I am not comfortable, anywhere.
I can't find any insomniacs
candy is delicious
Rule Britannia, britannia rules the waves!
when will the torment be over?!
fudge melon pack
"gimmie now, please"
I couldn't help but wonder why that strange little man was scratching my left butt cheek?
what shape am i today
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy monkey.
"So, this guy walks into a bar..."
My company just layed me off but they gave me a coupon for all the shrimp I can eat !
you be the active ingredient and i'll be the inert material
don't draw the red robot
I can't go. The pig's stuck again.
Angela Sung stole my beagle with a giant cross dressing robot !
i had a turtle named rover. he died.
shortcut to my ass
i met him at a rave
Damn These Lines
i'd like someone to care whether i come home or not
it only hurts when you look at it
Look at me in my clamdiggers!
mmm... skyscraper, i love you
Stupid people are very annoying.
My professor is secretly a bug
Virginia is the source of all evil
my left leg is not getting enough blood
don't eat that
My monster walked in on me in the shower
sometimes i think i need b52
when i get this way, i need your eyes to guide me through
hell hath no fury like a woman scorned
i am a robot. i eat hair. hair makes me be a robot
the world is covered with snail slime
A Toad Does Not Run at Noonday for Nothing
ouch my pussy
I think i'm getting fat. I think I like it.
born in a coal mine
because it feels real
we love corporations, don't we?
A kamikaze attack from the rabbit hutch
i'm thinkin' in my mind
So, you remember Patrick Swayze accurately
my pet mouse ran away and my doctor found him up my butt
After three weeks with no vacuuming, the dust kitties attacked!
I like my men brown.
cats, dogs, and a mayonaise jar
i wish my pubic hair wasn't so out of control
Lusty Bob Strikes Again.
Have you had a shocker lately?
eight out of ten women
too spent to make a wish
paddle me a river
i got the critical algorhythm
have you worked your mojo?
have you found the demon key?
...if You only knew the things I did while You were taking a nap...
one down and a hundred to go
you got a rip in your couch
MY HAMSTER USED TO LOVE ME, BUT SHE DIED.
jesus, we're all on speed!
my tears froze
we shared the chips
-just remember you're unique... like everyone else.
i'd itch my scratch but i'd be embarrassed
four miles wide
ooooooh a small little trincket!!! mine all mine
falling from the great blue sky
you wouldn't talk to me like that if i was "El Presidente!"
sex on the city
men without shirts
men and their babies
every time i eat vegetables, it makes me think of you
it's getting to be that there ain't no reason to pay for sex no more
oh you are a big one aren't you
when i wear my helmet, the macaroni tastes better
getting macho in the basement with my barbies
Poop on you all,you evil doers!!DIE!!
daddy, why do monkeys throw their shit?
I miss you, Now I gotta kiss you
Roasting weenies over that campfire in the sky
It's good, clean fun for good, clean children
ok, stop. this isn't my life!
Horses having sex!
monkeys have tails
how are your things doing?
the airlock trapped my robot
making love to a vampire with a monkey on my knee
it's hard, when you don't feel like you should
"I told the bitch, 'Stop picking at that!' Then I smacked her."
i want everything
STOP IT!! OH FUCKING STOP IT!!!
Poop from outerspace!!
He's going to destroy anybody who gets in his way
i can't, my wrists hurt
i traded my soul to a girl for boardwalk in a game of monopoly
a wonton dinner on every table
will i ever love again?
no not my leg
he said he was an adult, but i knew better
i blacked out at 106 dover street
7 donuts around my waist
was it love?
sometimes we wait to long and nothing happens
this is not what i expected
i step through space
there's a need
i bet i say that to all the girls
honk the donkey
i'm a DJ
Sexy looking dogs!!!!
random people get me down
thats this much
but Billy, the tanks
fold my laundry neatly
i did it because i needed the money
i can't shoot my job
toast from a toaster
sometimes it takes a long time
unless there is something else
sometimes my computer moans
hi i am phil
i eat you
i eat food
©2017 Sam Brown